I'm No Cynic
by Lyrical Rex
Summary: Kurt's gay friend tries to get him a boyfriend. Puck doesn't know about this. Kurt&Puck, Kurt/Ryan from HSM, crossover minimal. Warnings: gay bashing, unrequited feelings. AU from ep2. COMPLETE.


Kurt/Ryan (HSM), Puck & Kurt  
PG-13  
2664 words  
Kurt's gay friend tries to get him a boyfriend. Puck doesn't know about this.  
warnings: gay bashing, unrequited feelings  
written after ep 02, Showmance. **AU where football players and cheerleaders never joined glee, and Quinn didn't have a baby.**

* * *

**I'm No Cynic**

Kurt meets Ryan over winter break when his rich dad takes him to a shiny resort that Ryan's parents just so happen to own. Ryan wears brightly colored hats at an angle and reeks of New Money, but they bond over mutual love for designers and show tunes. And maybe a little winter fling.

Kurt has always known that he's gay, but kids like him at William McKinley High School are rare to find. That's why meeting Ryan during break sophomore year is something of a godsend. Ryan shows him the ropes and tells him stories of his run as the token theater gay at his own high school. Also, he's a really cute older man with an adorable smile and a gorgeous tenor singing voice. Kurt sometimes thinks he's in love.

But Ryan is inherently optimistic, something Kurt despises, and has a sister with a diva complex to rival Rachel Berry's, not to mention the fact that Ryan is two years older and going back to Julliard when the semester starts. So Kurt dismisses the fleeting flutter of his heart. Instead, he thinks of Ryan as a mentor, and when Ryan kisses him goodbye and tells him to keep in touch, Kurt agrees to do just that.

* * *

Kurt should really start avoiding Puckerman and his lackeys. But once Puck's arm is around his shoulder, he melts a little at the touch, even if the jock is only leading him to the dumpster to throw him into it. He needs to get rid of this crush before Puck tears his heart apart, but a little minor bullying isn't so out of routine. He'll live.

"Hey guys!" Kurt and the jocks all look up to see Mr. Schuester grinning as he approaches them. "Good to see you're still hanging out."

"Of course we are, Mr. Schue," Puck grins, patting Kurt's shoulder with his free hand. "We're bosom buddies, aren't we Hummel?" Puck pretty much has Kurt trapped in his arms; Kurt can do nothing but send a pleading look at Mr. Schuester.

"That's great! I'll see you in class later, alright?" Mr. Schuester grins. "And Kurt, we're in rehearsals for the winter concert, so don't be late." He continues on his way, completely oblivious.

Puck's fake grin becomes devious when he turns back to Kurt. At least he lets Kurt take off his new Dolce & Gabbana jacket before throwing him into the trash.

* * *

Ryan drops by in Ohio before his semester at Julliard starts to stay a couple nights and see Glee Club's winter concert. Kurt finds himself a nervous wreck. He knows that Ryan's into musical theater, not show choir, but Ryan still is a singer and a dancer who can honestly tell if Glee Club is any good. He really wants Ryan to think so.

Ryan arrives early on Saturday to spend time with him before the concert, which Kurt really appreciates, because Kurt has been feeling so lonely; even in Glee Club he stands apart. Ryan picks him up in a rental Benz, all jazz hands and sunshine smiles on a snowy morning. "Where to?" Kurt asks when he climbs into the car.

Ryan grins at him. "Two fashionable boys like us, where else? Just please tell me there's a place in the mall I can get one of those newsies. I think I'll die without one."

* * *

Lunch at the food court is kind of disgusting. Ryan orders a chili cheeseburger with french fries and offers some of it to Kurt. Kurt refuses, sipping Jamba Juice smoothie as he looks away.

"There's a cute guy with a mohawk over there watching us intently," Ryan says, sipping his Coke.

Kurt can't help glancing over his shoulder even though he already knows who it is. "Oh god, not him."

"Why not? He's cute," Ryan points out, "and he _likes_ you."

Kurt chokes on his smoothie. "I-_what?_ No."

Ryan pats his back as he coughs glancing over Kurt's shoulder at Puck. "Yeah, he totally wants you. I can tell."

"There's no way," Kurt says again, voice shrinking. "He's never shown interest." This is the understatement of the century. He's such a coward; he can't even tell Ryan how Puck makes his life a living hell.

"Well, then we can get him to show it," Ryan says, and before Kurt can ask how, Ryan kisses him.

It's a soft press of lips, nothing like the make out sessions they had over winter, but not a harmless peck either. Kurt's eyes fly wide, and he glances from the corner of his eye to see a handful of jocks leaving. Ryan looks satisfied when he draws away, but a quick glance around shows him that his intended target has left. He frowns a little bit, then grins and waves it off.

"No matter. At the concert tonight when he sees us together, he'll be totally jealous. It won't be long before he's confessing his undying love and pulling you to secluded places to make out. Now let's get some jeans that compliment that cute booty of yours."

Kurt lets Ryan continue to talk, but inside he's panicking. Puck's always picked on him for being different, but now he's dead. He knows it.

* * *

Kurt is trying to find some space for himself backstage-he's got pre-performance jitters, but he can't let _anyone_ know-when he runs into Finn doing breathing exercises and occasionally peeking out the curtain at the auditorium. Finn's paler than usual, which makes Kurt feel better about being nervous.

"Are your jock friends here to watch you?" Kurt says casually, sneaking in underneath Finn's tall frame to look out at the crowd too. The auditorium is not quite full, but all the families of all the Glee Club member's, new and old, are here to support them. He doesn't see any brightly colored newsboy caps or close-cut mohawks. Disappointment tickles in his chest.

Finn jumps at Kurt's sudden appearance. "Uh, no," Finn answers him, a little confused at the question. "I'm pretty sure they're still boycotting anything singing related."

"I see-" Kurt is cut off by a familiar voice.

"There you are, Kurt! I've been looking everywhere." Kurt turns around to see that Ryan has shown up backstage. Ryan sees Finn hovering over Kurt and raises an eyebrow. "I hope I'm not interrupting anything?"

"No, no," Finn says, stepping quickly away from Kurt. "I'm not making a move on your boyfriend, I swear."

"We're just friends," Kurt says, rolling his eyes. "Must every flamboyant boy be gay for another?"

Finn's always adorable when he's flustered. "I'm sorry," he stammers, "I didn't mean-"

Kurt just holds up a hand, effectively silencing the jock. "Still, what are you doing back here Ryan?"

Ryan shrugs. "I just wanted to wish you luck." Ryan whips a single rose out and presents it to Kurt with a dashing smile. "Any hope that you'll switch out your pretty boy crush for me?" he teased.

"He's not my boy crush," Kurt snaps. But then he sighs dramatically. "Anyway, he didn't show, so I suppose I must switch to you," he says, though a grin eats his words.

"Whoa," Finn interrupts. "You're _smiling._" Kurt stops immediately, embarrassed that he forgot about Finn's presence. "Don't stop," Finn tells him. "It looks good on you."

"Thanks," Kurt mumbles with a blush, taking Ryan's rose. Ryan says that he'll see Kurt later and waves as he exits from the backside to walk around to the front entrance.

As they walk from the empty stage to the boy's dressing room, Finn speaks up. "You sure you're not an item?"

"For the last time-"

"Yeah, I know," Finn says quickly, "but he makes you smile. And. . . I'm really happy you could find something like that. Especially with someone like Puck. You know, throwing you in the dumpster and scaring away anyone you _could_ have something with."

Kurt is taken aback by Finn's thoughtfulness. His respect for Finn grows a little.

* * *

"Where's Ryan?" he asks his parents after the show. When they don't know, Kurt looks around himself. He checks backstage, the dressing rooms, and the bathroom just for good measure. Ryan isn't answering his phone either, so Kurt knows for sure something is wrong.

It isn't until he takes the back exit and walks around the auditorium that he sees Ryan lying collapsed against the wall.

"Ryan!" Kurt calls when he runs over. Kneeling beside Ryan, he panics about what he should do. Ryan's face is swollen and bruised on one side, eye black and blood in his teeth. He lays curled in a ball, clenching his side that is dark and discolored when Kurt lifts up Ryan's shirt. He's awake though, wincing when Kurt touches the bruise. "Shit," Kurt curses. He pulls out his phone and dials quickly. "I'm calling 911. Are you okay?"

"Better now," Ryan says cheesily, struggling to smile. He touches the sleeve of Kurt's sweater. He says, "I missed the show. How was it?"

Despite himself, Kurt chokes out a teary laugh. "You're not supposed to _say_ things like that at a time like this."

"Then what am I supposed to say?" Ryan asks. Kurt can't reply for the sobs he's trying to suppress. Ryan looks grimly at the younger boy and tightens his grip on the sweater's thick sleeve. "Exactly."

* * *

Ryan didn't see his attacker, so he can't identify him. Even if he could, he says, even if Kurt had seen the guy who beat him up, it's still a waste of time to press charges. Between his and Kurt's trust funds, they can hire the best legal teams in the world and still the attacker would get off scot free if there isn't any evidence. But he lucked out; it wasn't the worst gay bashing ever. True, he'll never be as pretty as he was, and he won't be able to dance again for at least a semester-maybe forever-but he's still alive. And that, dear Kurt, is what matters.

Kurt nods mutely when Ryan says these things and brushes out invisible wrinkles from Ryan's hospital bed sheets. Ryan catches his shaking fingers and tells him it's okay.

It isn't, Kurt thinks. It isn't, because Kurt knows who did this and why. And he's such a coward, he doesn't even say it, just crawls onto Ryan's bed and curls close.

* * *

Kurt walks past Puck and his jock lackeys on Monday morning like they don't exist, even when Puck calls out to him. He uses the pet name "Faggot."

Kurt's mind is on Ryan, whose sister and mother have come to town all hysterical and protective, taking over Kurt's 27 hour hospital watch so he could nap before school. Puck yells from across the hall that his clothes clash, and it's true. Kurt knows he looks terrible-the hair spray he keeps in his locker is just not working for him, and his shoes don't match his shirt-but he can't bring himself to care.

Then something changes. It's almost subtle, except that it's not. Not when Puck offers Kurt a hand up after someone trips him in the hall. Not when Puck tells Santana to shut her trap when she stage whispers something about Kurt during class.

Not when Puck stops trying to corner Kurt and starts making puppy eyes at him whether or not he thinks Kurt is looking.

* * *

The first day, Kurt is simply confused.

The second day, Mr. Schuester says to him, "You should make up with Puck. Whatever your fight was about, it's not worth the heartbreak on your face or his."

The third day, Finn asks him to forgive Puck.

"Do you know what he did?" Kurt asks accusingly.

"No," Finn admits.

"Then don't pass on his messages," Kurt huffs, and goes back to rehearsing his runs.

The fourth day is Friday, and Kurt has long been sick of the act. Puck goes so far as to follow Kurt to his locker despite the way Kurt ignores his presence. "I can carry that for you," Puck offers, reaching over to grab Kurt's books for him. Kurt doesn't allow him to take them, but Puck doesn't give up, tugging at the books until they fall to the floor with a loud clatter that catches everyone's attention.

Puck hastily kneels down to pick up the fallen books and Kurt kneels down beside him. He catches the collar of Puck's letterman jacket in one hand and looks him in the eye. "This thing? It ends now," he says. He stands up, shoves the books that Puck hands him back into his locker, and strides out the school doors.

Puck follows, jogging to keep up easily with Kurt's long steps. "You're actually going to ditch? Don't you have drama class this period?"

Kurt rolls his eyes when he finds out that Puck knows his schedule. He's not even surprised at this point. Puck follows him as he trudges through the mucky layer of snow on the asphalt and stops right in front of the dumpsters near the parking lot, where they are hidden from sight of the school. "Finn tells me you're sorry," he says, crossing his arms.

"Yeah," Puck says with a wince. "I really am."

"Why should I forgive you?" Kurt asks, eying Puck's shrinking form. Oh, Kurt loves this feeling of superiority.

Puck shoves his fists in his jean pockets, his head bowed, embarrassed. "Finn said that the guy isn't your boyfriend."

"Should it make a difference?" Kurt bites, astounded by Puck's thought process. "He's still my friend. He's still a _person_. What you did was so atrocious, you shouldn't even be _thinking_ about forgiveness."

"I was jealous," Puck confesses, "when I saw you together. I wanted to talk to you about it, but when I saw him come from backstage, I just got. . . pissed off." Kurt realizes with horror that this cannot be the first time that Puck has done this. It explains why any boy Kurt gets remotely close to now avoids him like the plague. Puck looks up at Kurt with his puppy eyes half-lidded and says, "I always liked you."

"You have a funny way of showing it," Kurt drawls. It's ironic how just a week ago, hearing Puck say that would be a dream come true. Now, Kurt just feels cold.

"I know. I just-can I make it up to you?" Puck is so earnest that Kurt almost feels bad. But then he remembers Ryan and all the other boys Puck has beaten into giving up on Kurt.

"You're so twisted," he says. "And I think I get it. You don't want to be with me. You don't want to see anyone _else_ with me. Then why tell me now? Why not keep pretending you don't want me?"

Puck doesn't say anything at first. He shifts his feet and pushes his hands deeper in his pockets, hunching between his shoulders and averting his eyes from Kurt's. Snowflakes begin to fall in the silence. "You don't even look at me anymore," he finally says. "Being invisible to you is worse than being a homo." He laughs self-deprecatingly. "Now I know how it feels to be in Glee Club."

Kurt can barely mask the disgust that wells up in his chest. "There are so many things wrong with that statement," he points out. "And what in the world do you think can make up for all the shit that you've pulled? God, Puckerman, you're such a stupid jock."

He pushes past Puck, making sure that his shoulder hits the jock hard as he keeps walking. "He doesn't love you like I do," Puck calls out to his back.

Kurt freezes. He pivots half-way and looks back at the dumpsters, studying Puck and the lonely way he shivers in his letterman jacket and the snow. "Yeah?" Kurt retorts, turning away.

"Well, he's never treated me like garbage either."

**_/end._**


End file.
